2004 Assault Vehicle Control Act
Due to the increase in vehicle related violent crimes in recent years, today Congress passed the “2004 Assault Vehicle Control Act”, which according to supporters will save tens of thousands of lives each year. Booby Hoover (Citizens Against Vehicle Violence) stated, “It’s for the Children, nobody needs a high speed assault vehicle with a high capacity gas tank, and automatic transmissions require years of training to operate safely”.

According to sources, vehicle crime accounts for the vast majority of deaths in the United States, if we can save just one life by doing this it will be worth it.

The act places several restrictions on vehicles, and requires that all vehicles that fail to meet these requirements (as of today) must be turned in to your local Police Department.

1) 1000 pound weight limit. Any vehicle over this weight is considered a dangerous weapon.
2) 2 occupant limit. Allowing more than 2 people in a single vehicle is the #1 cause of drive by shootings, as you must have a driver and a lookout there will be nobody left to shoot the weapon.
4) Automatic transmissions are illegal for private use. An automatic transmission allows the user to change gears without thinking about it. This leaves one hand free to wield a baseball bat on innocent mailboxes. One press of the gas pedal is all it takes. This is ridiculous.. Nobody needs that!
5) Gas tank capacity is limited to 2.5 gallons. Anything more is exceedingly dangerous due to fire and explosion potential. Not to mention this limits the ability for criminals to flee the scene of a crime. No more interstate highway chases!
6) All vehicles will be designed to travel at 45mph maximum. Driving any faster increases the kinetic energy of the vehicle to super dangerous proportions. This also allows police officers to easily catch fleeing criminals.

All of the above contain an exemption for Law Enforcement officers as they have the training necessary to operate a high-speed assault vehicles safely.

Penalties for violation of this new law range from 10 years to life.