> Gun Control Activism from a Crook’s Perspective
> http://www.gunowners.org/wv23.htm
>
> By Annie of The Cody Express
> http://www.codyexpress.com/
>
> Dear Gun Control Lady,
>
> The other day, I was in bad need of a fix. I needed some crack money
> somethin’ terrible. So I went down the street to the grocery store,
parked
> in a shady part of the lot and started looking for an easy mark. It ain’t
> easy to find someone you know won’t fight back and hurt you. More and
more
> folks are beginning to carry guns and sometimes you just can’t tell who
has
> ‘em and who don’t. But, I got lucky. After about an hour of watching
> folks, you pulled into the lot. When you pulled your car into the parking
> space, that Million Mom March bumper sticker practically jumped out at
> me. I watched you as you unbuckled your kids, locked up your car and
> walked into the store. Man, I really liked the sight of that bumper
> sticker. It was like getting a Christmas present when it ain’t even
> Christmas.
>
> Now, you may think that us crooks are stupid, but I can tell you we
> ain’t. We know what that Million Mom stuff means. It means you don’t
like
> guns. You think no one should have ‘em. And you don’t own one. So when
I
> saw that bumper sticker, I was so excited — I thought, “this is gonna be
a
> good day.”
>
> Million Moms is easy scores, you know. I don’t pay much attention to news
> and stuff like that, but I learned about you ladies from a buddy of mine
> who likes house jobs. He keeps up with all those groups who hate guns.
He
> says they’re the best targets.
> When he hears about one of their meetings, sometimes he goes and hangs
> around outside til its over. Then he follows one of ‘em home to see where
> they live. He mostly does his jobs when nobody’s home, but says he
doesn’t
> have to worry as much about unexpected surprises when he picks one of
those
> anti-gun places.
>
> Anyway, I knew you was gonna be an easy score. I started making my plan
on
> how to rob you. I figured I would surprise you while you were strapping
> those kids back in their seats. I’d just walk up behind you, maybe shove
> you a little, steal your purse and take off. I kinda hoped I didn’t have
> to hurt you. You looked pretty from where I was. I hoped it’d all happen
> so fast, you’d be too scared to try to stop me. I wished I could figure
> out how to do it without gettin’ those kids stirred up. I knew they’d
> start cryin’ and stuff and might get somebody’s attention. I knew that
> even if I didn’t have to smack ‘em or anything that they’d have nightmares
> and stuff and be pretty messed up
> — you know, seein’ their Mommy get knocked around and all, then the cops
> and everything. I don’t really like to hurt folks, especially kids, but
> sometimes I have to. It’s the nature of the business, you know.
>
> I had it all worked out. But then everything got messed up. This other
> car pulled into the space next to yours. I watched a man get out of the
> driver’s side and head into the store. The woman who was with him stayed
> in the car. I started to think that maybe I’d just go rob her instead.
> But then I noticed a GOA sticker in her back window. Being one of them
> million mom people, I’m sure you know what GOA is — Gun Owners of
> America. That means they own guns. I sure hate to see those
> stickers. The NRA sticker is a bad sign, too. I thought for a minute
that
> maybe the man was the GOA guy, but you never know. Seems like more and
> more women is gettin’ involved in that stuff.
> And I didn’t know if he carried his gun with him inside or if it was in
the
> car or if maybe both of them had guns. I couldn’t take the chance. I
sure
> didn’t wanna get shot or anything. I just wanted a little money for some
> crack. Besides, even if I didn’t get shot, they might use a gun to keep
me
> there til the cops came. I didn’t want that neither.
>
> Anyway, I thought about it for a while and decided that my first plan was
> best. I just hoped those gun folks left before you came back out. I
> figured since the woman stayed in the car and the man went in, he only
> needed a coupla things and they’d leave soon. I hoped you were buying a
> lot of stuff and they’d be gone before you came out.
>
> Well, it didn’t work out that way. You and your kids came out of the
> store. I couldn’t do nothin’ but sit and watch while you buckled up those
> kids.
> I had to just sit there while you put the groceries in the trunk and
pushed
> the cart away. I knew that lady in the next car might have a gun. I
> figured if she did and I bothered you, she’d pull it. I was so
> angry. There I was sittin’ there watchin’ my fix get in a car and drive
> away.
>
> I saw the way you looked at that other lady when she smiled at you. Your
> pretty face looked downright ugly, the way you sneered at her. I figure
> you saw her GOA sticker, too. Guess that got your dander up — her bein’
a
> gun owner and all — and you hatin’ ‘em so much. To tell ya the truth, I
> wasn’t real happy with that lady either. If she hadn’t been sittin’
there,
> I woulda had my money. But I couldn’t take the chance that she’d shoot at
> me or anything. She sure messed up my plan.
>
> Oh well, there’s always another day. I sure hope you shop at that store a
> lot. And I sure am glad you have that Million Mom sticker on your bumper
> — it’ll make ya real easy to spot. Sure was great of my buddy to teach
me
> about those things. Makes my job a whole lot easier.
>
> Hope to see ya soon.
>
> Your grateful friend, Joe Crook
>
> The letter you just read is, of course,
> entirely fictional, with one small exception. I’m referring to the part
> about the sneer the “GOA” woman received from the Million Mom March
> supporter. The sneer was directed toward me, although I certainly did
> nothing to generate such disdain.
>
> My fictional letter was meant for that woman (and others like her). I
> realize it would be too much to ask that she consider the likelihood that
> the presence of any legally armed person might be of benefit to her. But
> maybe, just maybe, she’ll see how foolish it is to advertise to the world
> that she is unarmed. For her sake, I sure hope so.