http://www.keepandbeararms.com/information/XcIBViewItem.asp?ID=1027

Hammer Control, Inc.

A sudden surge of hammer-related deaths has sent the number of
tool-related assaults soaring. With the Louisiana woman who beat her
husband on the head with a hammer and the man who killed a 13-year old boy
with a sledge hammer, these crimes are out of control!

I am trying to get a handle on this situation early by creating a new
organization: Hammer Control Incorporated. HCI’s mandate is to oppose the
power and influence of the National Hammer Association (NHA) and lobby for
strict hammer control.

I think we have a good chance to get some ground-breaking legislation
passed. First, we have to develop a national system to register and track
anyone who sells hammers. We can sell Federal Hammer Licenses (FHLs) for
individuals and businesses who want to deal in hammers. This would offset
some of the enforcement costs and keep some people out of the business. We
must have a licensing system to control these dangerous hammers!
Otherwise, people will be selling hammers out of their homes to criminals!
Hammer storage must be reviewed by the local police who can inspect the
storage area and ensure it meets zoning requirements.

Secondly, we must not allow anyone under the age of 21 to purchase a
hammer. It must also be a crime for anyone to give a hammer to someone who
is under 21 years of age. We will limit the number of hammers an
individual can purchase. The purchaser must fill out several forms before
the seller can transfer the hammer to them. This would encourage the
creation of a national hammer registry. Any purchaser must wait for five
days before they get their hammer. (This will prevent any crimes of
passion.)

Thirdly, we must prevent anyone with a criminal past from obtaining a
hammer. This applies equally to adults as well as children. If a child
hits anything, that child will probably grow up to become a
hammer-wielding killer! Perhaps we could fund some scientific studies to
prove this point.

Fourthly, we must outlaw the use of pneumatic nailers by everyone except
law enforcement and the military. Those things develop hundreds of strokes
a minute! They are much too dangerous to allow our citizens to own. You
don’t need a pneumatic hammer to build a doll house!

Lastly, we must restrict the importation of foreign hammers and even nails
onto our soil. We don’t want their shoddy foreign hammers making their way
into the hands of street thugs and gangsters! There are already too many
hammers in American households. We don’t need any more!

There are some sideline issues we can develop as well. We must create
hammer-free zones around our schools. We can create an ownership tax on
related items like replacement handles and nails. We can lobby for
additional laws to control the type, length, size, etc. of replacement
handles and accessories. Perhaps we can have nails tagged so if they are
ever used in a crime they can be traced. We could also have a hammer
buy-back program; if we find a sponsor, we could trade goods for hammers!

Thank goodness there is no such thing as a Constitutional Right to own a
hammer! That Constitution thing is so old anyway, how can it be expected
to cover all of these new things that we have to protect ourselves from?
Besides, we can trust our government. Have they ever done anything and
tried to cover it up?

If you are not sure of your position on hammer control, ask yourself: What
about the children? We are doing this for them so they can grow up in a
society free of the threat of hammer-related violence! If you want to make
our nation safer and reduce the threat of hammer-violence, please join
with me to stamp out hammers!