THE LARK PROGRAM

A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining

about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in

Guantanamo Bay.

She received back the following reply:

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of

the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo

Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your

opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You’ll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens

like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist

Retraining Program, to be called the “Liberals Accept Responsibility

for Killers” program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided

to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal

detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under

heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be

cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your

letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some

assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of

care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended

in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your

sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem” will

help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in

describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand

that your plan is to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat

and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or

nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these

skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide

variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you

may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this

might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except

sexually), since he views all females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known

to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the

new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka –

over time.

Just remember that it is all part of “respecting his culture and his

religious beliefs”. Wasn’t that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like

you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good

care of Ahmed – and remember, we’ll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend,

GEORGE W. BUSH

The Second Amendment IS Homeland Security !